You are Chinese
One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your
brother are not Chinese, it must be you.
Love me?
Do you believe in LOVE at first sight or do I have to walk by again? ?
3 wonders of a woman
The 3 wonders of a woman
1)Gives milk without eating grass
2)gets wet without water
3)Bleeds for a week without going 2 die.
The more - The Less
The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I
forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??
laugh again!!!!
I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U
laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh
again.. hahaha
Woman charges
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman
talks dirty to a man, it's $$$ per minute.
Butt Cheek -
What did one butt cheek say to the other cheek? 'If we stick together we
can stop this shit!
Robbery Now
Robbery Now! Raise ur hands! women stand @ right, men left!
half-man-half-woman centre! HEY U! yes u! stand centre! don't pretend
looking @ the handphone!
Remind me
Please remind me to remind you about reminding me to send you this
reminder that reminds me of reminding you that I AM THERE FOR YOU. Don't
forget.
Moon is beautiful
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I... I'd
rather look at the moon again.. ;)
More Gas -
Why do men pass gas more than women? Because
women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Not reachable -
Hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot
of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin "THE SUBSCRIBER U
CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER"
Good Bra -
A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find-
comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is
always close 2 ur heart!
Why dosen't it rain?
The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass &
flowers 2.If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
Why dosen't it rain?
The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass &
flowers 2.If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
Please help me!
im at the police station.The police caught me &
filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need
someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!
The Call -
A girl called me & said "Come no over, nobody is
home". I went over. Nobody was home
The missing cat
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to
cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat!
Now read it all without the word cat!
The little thing
1 day there was tis naked man N elephant, da
elephant looks at the naked man 4 a few seconds, then ask da naked man,
'HOW CAN U BREATH THRU THAT LITTLE THING?
No Santa! -
I can't hide this from u anymore i really don't
wanna hurt u but i feel it's beter i tell u b4 u hear it from sum1 else im
really sorry but there's no santa!
Read Backwords -
Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW
READ IT BACKWARDS!!
I'm Drunk
Im not under d affluence of incohol as some
tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da
drunker i stand here da longer i get
Men and problems -
MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist
HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN?
Morning wish
The morning is just a few moments away. Go to
sleep and when you wake up, remember me as a friend who is allways there
for you and never let you down
Hey my mate ..
In ur darkest hour wen ur fed up & blue.just
remember this I'll always be there 4 u.Im no angel N cant change ur
fate.but I'll do anything 4 u coz ur my m8.
Wrong number
U got style, u got sex-appeal, u got the
intelligence and u sure got the body. Wait. Sorry, wrong number!
Till the end ...
U've touched my heart uve touched my soul.bcos of u I now feel whole. U'll
always b my closest friend.u'll b in my heart 2 the very end.
Protect my friend
God in heaven God above please protect the
friend i love.Sent wiv a smile:-) sealed with a kiss.i love my friend whos
reading this f
Friendship and ring ....
A ring is round and has no end, so is my love
for you ma friend.
Your love ... -
When darkness moves in on me, it is the love of
people like you that allows me to go through defeat and still know to be
fully accepted.
I'll wait for you ....
R we friends or r we not.U told me once but i 4got.of all d m8s ive eva
met ur d 1 i wont 4get.& if i die b4 u do i will go 2 heaven & wait 4 u
Forever friend ...
I must have been born under a lucky star , to find a friend as nice as you
are. I will follow the rainbow to the end , if you promise to remain my
friend !!!
God gave you to me
I asked God 4 a flower, he gave me a garden.
Asked 4 a tree, he gave me a forest. Asked 4 a river, he gave me an ocean.
Asked 4 a friend, he gave me you
Misc. Funny SMS Jokes
News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another
playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI
awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog,
idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without
the word dog.
Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army
instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for
50p.
Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you
is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you
change gears...
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the
bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in
this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to
drive this thing?"
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity
of your action.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is
aiming just a little too high.
I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience
and didn't come back for a day and a half.
I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber
field.
Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.
A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The
bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the
night?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child
born is chinese.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the
parachute packing plant
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and
suffering
How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would
have preferred.
If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how
dogs spend their lives.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled
of.
Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
